Stuart

Stuart - not "Stu": he hates that - works as a clerk in accounts receivable at a medium-sized pickling company. He has "met" or "surpassed" expectations in his last seven annual performance reviews. Someday, Stuart would like to become an assistant or even full manager at the company. On the weekends, Stuart plays keytar in a trans-gendered electro-prog-punk band. They dress like stuffed animals - "furries", some might say - and appear on the bill as "Titty Rockspin".

Tina and Trina

Tina and Trina used to be best friends but then Tina told Seth that Trina fancied him but that was totally untrue because it was Tina that actually fancied him, but she was too scared to tell him, but anyway, Seth believed her and now Trina and Seth are dating, and Tina thinks Trina is a total slag because she knew she fancied Seth and went behind the bleachers with him anyway, and now they hold hands at school and everything. Oh. My. God. I can't believe she did that. She is a right trollip, innit?

For Sale!

Finally! It's that riverside lifestyle you've been "pine"-ing for.  Single room with spectacular views, close to all the amenities. Oaks, walnuts and dumpsters all within walking distance. $399,000. Listing # 359197s. Contact: Brenda.

Kristal

Kristal had always to be an actress, and she moved to Los Angeles at an impressionable age. Her first few months were difficult, and she was finally enticed to do some adult cinema in order to pay the bills. In a weird twist of fate the morning of her first shoot she woke up with the chicken pox. As these were the days before the Internets, there wasn't a niche for that yet, so she was replaced by another actress. When Kristal recovered, she discovered that her true calling was working behind the camera. Her happiest time was working as second best boy grip on the set of The Golden Squirrels.

Seamus

About two years ago Seamus was called by the prosecution to testify against his brother, Paddy, in a bank robbery case. At first, Seamus didn't tell them nothin'. Then he started to tell them somethin'; these were mostly explicatives. Then he told the story of how things went down. Last week, Seamus got out of prison after serving 19 months for perjury and comtempt of court. He was let out early, not for good behaviour per se, but because his protrayal of Jo in his cell block's production of Little Women was so moving, the warden was compelled to advocate on his behalf.

Vernon

Vern's first job was selling cotton candy at Old  Orchard Beach. During that summer, he fell madly for Madame Renée, a cheap, two-bit fortune teller originally from Des Moines, and they had a torrid lust affair. When Mister Renée re-entered the picture, Vern quickly skipped town. He now owns his own big rig, "Fortune's Fancy", and is known to regularly do the Millinocket-Skowhegan run in under an hour. Vern always listens to Loretta Lynn when he's on the road. It soothes his aching heart.