Sunday, 29 June 2014


Ingrid dated a squirrel for a while in college. It didn't work out.

Sunday, 22 June 2014


Walter can usually be found at The Wild Boar Bar & Grill up Highway 7. He sits at the bar and wiill tell wild tales to whomever stops in for some beer and nuts. No one really knows much about Walter. Some say he killed another squirrel back in '72. Others say he lost his shit after a firefight gone awry in Vietnam. Most of the rumours, however, are untrue. Walter's real sordid secret was that he used to run a hamster racing ring in Tijuana. Howver, when the cartels started showing up in the early 90's, they wanted a cut of the action. He refused. When it looked like shit was getting real, Walter tried to skip town, but he and his seƱorita were caught in an ambush. He escaped, she didn't. Now, he smokes his pipe and tells of his time aboard a Liberian freighter.

Wednesday, 18 June 2014


Chaandy was raised in historic city of Cochi, Kerala, India. A few years ago, he landed himself what he thought was a pretty sweet construction job in the Gulf States building malls and thirty-seven star hotels. While on the job, he gained a taste for country music, which was always played by one of his workmates. Pretty soon, though, it turned out quasi slave-labour wasn't quite his thing, so he managed to bribe his foreman to get his passport back and Chaandy escaped back to India.
Still not content, he looked up a cousin who was studying engineering at the University of Tennessee. Being himself a Nasrani Christian, he was able to get some scholarships from a few churches in the Knoxville area to begin his own computer science degree at UT Chattanooga. It started out well, but then, after a weekend trip, it all changed. His prior love of country music led him, naturally, to Pigeon Forge, and to experience the previously unimaginable: Dolly's Dixieland Stampede. Chaandy's world turned upside down. For the past two years, he has been working tirelessly to find investors for what he hopes will bring Kerala to the big leagues of global tourism: A Vasco da Gama dinner-theatre spectacle at the heart of his Chaandy's Wild Ponnani! amusement park. He is very close to securing funding for "Zamorin's Revenge", the greatest maglev roller coaster in history, capable of reaching 400 km/h (250 mph).

Sunday, 15 June 2014


Todd isn't particularly interesting as an individual, but rather the contrast between him and his two sisters is an interesting study in the by-products of post-1960's feminism. On the one-hand, Todd's two older sisters were brought up being told that they could do and be anything they wanted, and that no one could tell them otherwise. Expecting that they could have it all, they both became overachievers, and currently try to balance successful careers and each have begun their own families.
Then, on the other hand, there is Todd. He grew up with the implied message that since he was a boy, he would have it easy in a Man's world. Consequently, he was raised with lowered expectations. He is pretty smart, but has a horrible work ethic. Only his athletic prowess was really pushed to any degree. He putzed around university a few years, juggling various girlfriends and majors, and finally stopped going after he became a manager at a sporting goods store. Now, he mostly spends his time exercising his masculinity in those realms that feminism has largely ignored: farting, playing FPS games online, stashing nuts and watching MMA.

Friday, 13 June 2014


Smitty found a job as a janitor in a local senior's residence because it allows him to easily do his second most favourite thing: getting high on solvent. He works the night shift, which allows him to fly under the radar. However, although he does enjoy the temporary euphoria from the huffing, he actually does the whole solvent thing because it serves as inspiration for his most favourite thing. Smitty improvises interpretive dance with his mop, and puts on performances for the insomniac residents of the home. Marjory is his biggest fan. Sometimes, she smuggles him the occasional pudding from the dining room.