Edward was actually born Eduardo Fulgencio Gomez. He was adopted as a baby from South America. For most of his life, Edward imagined he was the illegitimate son of Pablo "Bam Bam" Gomez, the legendary Paraguayan charango player, tragically killed in a bus crash the year of Edward's birth. However, Edward has just returned from Paraguay where he went to find out more about his biological parents. After exhaustive red tape and a plethora of bribes, it turns out that his parents were actually an ultra-conservative Catholic Archbishop and the daughter of a Nazi fugitive, both of whom were into some really kinky stuff. His homecoming dinner tonight with his two adoptive gay Jewish dads should be really interesting.