Gertrude

Gertrude's husband, Herman, died in 2004. He owned a fair-sized tire dealership in Kalamazoo, Michigan. She wasn't too broken up about it, though, because the two-timing son-of-a-bitch spent most of the 80's cheating on her with his secretary: Troy. Model train conventions, my ass!
As soon as he was in the ground, Gertrude picked up stakes and bought a condo in a retirement community near Fort Myers, Florida. Nowadays, when she's in a good mood, she toddles over to Applebee's for the early bird special. She's more interested in handsome divorcees than in the 2 for 1 apps, though (she counts her points closely). Most of the time, however, she's bitter, and deals with her anger by whipping pretty much everyone's ass in Canasta, from Naples to Manatee County.